December 19, 2008

Edward vs. Eric

Ok so between Christmas knitting and house improvements being a giant mess I literally have nothing going on that I can blog about right now. So how about I just bring you down a random pop culture spiral for a post or two? With vampires?

Edward:

I went to see Twilight in Columbus last weekend because my “friends” made me. I’ve read the first book …. And well… as Matt put it “I haven’t heard you make that many annoyed noises when reading since the DaVinci Code.” One of these same “friends” by the way also left the remainder of the Twilight books in my guest room last she was in town which I consider to be an act of aggression.
To sum up: We’re supposed to swoon over this guy?
I don’t get it.

Ok I get it for teenagers maybe…. But it’s also women my age who are going nuts for this whole thing. I found an entire forum called “twilight moms” for women over 25 while searching for that image. Seriously. And I really just don’t get it. He’s 17 (ok 100, but he was 17 when he was made into a vampire). I didn’t find 17-year olds that attractive when I was 17, let alone now. Also about 90% of his conversations with Bella go like this:

“I loooove you but I shouldn’t”
“No I loooove you but I shouldn’t”
“But I do loooove you. You are my heroin.”
“I’m not afraid of you because I loooove you.”
“I would never hurt you because I loooove you more”

And they’ve known each other for about five minutes at this point. Ugh. Who would want someone that whiney? And I completely don't buy the no sleeping thing. And you never see any vampire fangs in the whole movie? What's up with that? Also he doesn’t melt in the sun. Nope - he sparkles. And there’s just nothing manly about glitter:

“I’m going to be in the Ice Capades!”


At least when I’m forced to go to the sequel I won’t be pregnant anymore so I can get a solid buzz on beforehand.

Eric:
On the other end of the vampire spectrum I am so sad that True Blood is over for the season. None of the True Blood vampires would ever sparkle. Also they are all adults which is a bonus. And while Bill later on in the books *spoiler* gets just as whiney as Edward with the declarations of undying love at least Sookie is as annoyed by it as I am.

“I would DIE to protect this woman. Even though I totally lied to her for like 5 books”

Also the Southern Vampire Series takes place in Louisiana – where all good vampire stories should. Washington is for hippies. Not the undead. And the best part of the series wasn’t even really that much a part of season one of True Blood:

Dude is a Viking. A m’effing Viking. Soooo much better than a moody teenager! Plus while Eric might just kill Sookie at any moment he took a bullet for her. Twice.


Eric would kick Edward’s sparkly ass.

And that’s about all I got for right now. I have a weekend of Christmas preparations planned so hopefully next week I can blog about something more substantial than this.

10 comments:

  1. True about Washington being for hippies... "I have never seen so many hippies in my life" says the girl who grew up in Ohio.

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  2. I skipped over your spoiler. I'm picking up the first book this weekend!

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  3. girl, I frickin love you!

    I read the whole Twilight series, and although I found it entertaining, I did not think it was ALL that. Actually kind of low on my vampire read list.

    I have been reading the Sookie novels since they came out, and I agree its one of the best series I have read.

    But Seattle bein' for hippies? I live in Seattle. And yeah Forks probably does have a lot. But trust me, the geeks and nerds FAR surpass the hippies around here. =)

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  4. Have not read Twilight or seen the movie,but I think I'll pass now. Loved First Blood's first season. I haven't read the books, but they are going to be on my ipod soon!

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  5. LOL! I agree, that Cedric dude is a little to wannabe 80s Clash for me.

    One of the radio stations here was talking about Twilight (as was freakin' everyone) when it made a bazillion bucks that first weekend and said Joss Whedon must be walking around going, "Are you KIDDING me? I did that like a hundred years ago!!! Freaking Buffy and Angel!"

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  6. Agree on all hilarious points! And I "forgot" the books where you weren't supposed to discover them for at least a week. However, I still got away safely.

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  7. First, I don't appreciate being demoted to a "friend" in quotes. I think this has happened b/c I made you see this movie. Was I not the same "friend" that gave you the Sookie books in the first place that you resisted reading? And I agree, I would much rather spend time with a motherfucking VIKING than an eternal teenager. God, can you think of a worse hell than that. Being a teenager for all time?

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  8. THANK YOU! ALl I hear about from 30-something scrappers is Edward this, oh Edward, blah, blah , gag, barf, SHUT UP!!! :)

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  9. I completely agree!!!!

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