February 9, 2009

Birth Class #1

So last Monday was our first birth class. Some observations:

1.) Of the dozen or so couples in the class I am the furthest along by about 2 weeks. I at one point heard one mom whispering in hushed tone “that woman over there is due in March” The horror! Clearly we are awful parents! Or terminal procrastinators! Yeah I’m not worried about it at all. My doctor said to set it up so that we finish the classes somewhere around my 37th week. Which is exactly what we’re doing. So I don’t really get why all of these other parents are there so early… except that…

2.) We are maybe not taking this whole thing as SERIOUS as other people are. Don’t get me wrong – we’re very awed by the being parents and clearly even going to this class shows we care a great deal… but not so much that we couldn’t snark on the terrible ‘80’s shirts the people in the book were wearing – Matt’s response “so to be your ‘support partner’ do I have to stock up on horrible polos?” Btw giggling during a birthing class gets you dirty looks from the other Serious Mommies.

3.) I am so, SO over pregnancy. I don’t even want to think about it anymore. And yet the second half of the BIRTH class was spent with the guys in one room discussing their feelings (no shit) and the girls in the other making a list of pregnancy complaints. Uh huh. So when all the Serious Mommies were hesitant to be the first one to open their mouths I jump in with “I’m stupid.” And they were all…???? I went on to explain that my mind hasn’t been as sharp as it used to be and how it’s frustrating when I’m at work and I have to redo things 3 times that I should have had right the first time. The Serious Mommies gave me blank looks and then proceeded to complain about things like not being able to tie their shoes and how un-cute pregnancy clothes are. Did I mention I was the only migraine sufferer in the group? Yeah...

4.) Matt has had it so easy this pregnancy. Despite all of the physical complaints I’ve had I haven’t really been that crazy emotional. No ridiculous crying jags, no complete change in personality (other than the stupid and a complete loss of empathy)… and the things I’ve gotten upset about have been more than reasonable (like the possibility that I will be coming home from the hospital to a construction zone). One guy even said “I want pregnancy to be over so that I can have my wife back.” How awful. Matt just wants the pregnancy to be over so that if he gets a cold my response isn’t “I have the same cold as you do and I can’t even take anything good. Suck it up and enjoy your day-quil/hot toddy cocktail, wuss.”

I’m hoping tonight’s class is better and that we focus more on the actual birth part and less on the pregnancy and feelings part… not holding my breath… although I have to say it’s going to be interesting finding out where all of the Serious Mommies stand on the more controversial parenting topics. I’m really hoping we get into the vaccination debate. That should be at least be fun to watch!


  1. birthing classes are hilarious!

    with my first wife, we were the young kids in the room. the irresponsible ones.

    there are some hardcore mommy's out there!

    can't wait to hear about the vaccine debate...i always enjoy those.

  2. I love this post! I feel the same way! I have yet to start my birth classes and although I have a couple more months than you, I still don't want to do it. So I'm a procrastinator too. And as for "Serious Mommies" ... they would bother me! My hubby and I would laugh and make rude jokes too.

    I understand your loss of empathy. My hubby was sick this weekend and although I felt bad for him, his cold, and the fact that his feet were sore from coaching for two days straight, I still wanted him to feel sorry for me and to help around the house. I wanted him to go out and get me crab rangoon (the only thing that sounded good for lunch - but not really a craving). I, too, haven't been super emotional. I'm glad I'm not the only one! (I swear everyone thinks that pregnant woman are 100% b**** all the time!).

  3. you only have one class a week? lucky.

    i wasn't emotional either. in fact i was nicer and less emotional could actually make decisions, but definitely dumber. and i swear i feel like i get even dumber on a daily basis. you think pregnancy brain is bad, wait till you get mommy brain. :)

  4. Oh my goodness! Can't wait to hear more class adventures ;op

    LOL @ cold/toddy wuss! Hilarious!

  5. These are very interesting thoughts and experiences to hear about since Andy and I are beginning to think about kiddos in the near future...

  6. Good luck! I so refused to be in a room with so many "mommies" that I wouldn't even take a class!

    Oh, the stupid. It's so awful! And yes, mommy brain is just as good. Ugh!

  7. Yeah, I hope you know the stupid is somewhat permanent. :) And I hope you are spared the vaccine debate. . .it never goes well.

  8. I never went to birthing classes at all so I guess that makes me even more of a procrastinator than you. Don't feel bad.

  9. Hahahaha! I'd totally want to be sitting next to you two.

  10. I went from the pregnancy brain to mommy brain and it does pretty much suck. But I wasn't very emotional either although I did totally lose it once. But just once.

    As for the classes I opted for the 1 day class and so very much of it was the daddy's massaging the mommies. What I mostly got out of the class was the chance to see all of the possible tools they may need to use during labor. But I didn't need the whole breathing, pacing, rubbing thing during labor so I was lucky.

  11. I didn't take any classes and honestly I don't think we missed anything. The breathing just sort of comes to you and the nurses will guide you - also, birth plans are useless, just have your husband know what both of you want. Doctors ask you to stay home until contractions are pretty close which means that by the time you get into the hospital, nurses and doctors are more concerned about you and the baby than a piece of paper - and if they have questions, they'll ask you or your husband.
    I've been meaning to write a post about pregnancy, labour and motherhood but I haven't had any time - let me just say though that pregnancy is by far the easiest part of all this!! Labour will be the strongest experience you will ever go through, and having a newborn is completely exhausting!! One word of advice - recovery from labour is very tough, physically and psychologically - get as much support as you can and remember that everyone goes through it and it is normal to have all sorts of ups and downs.

    I was not prepared for what was coming my way (you sort of focus on how cute babies and baby clothing are and ignore the true fact that your baby will need you every 2 hours for feeding, 24/7, without breaks, that you will not sleep, that you haven't a clue of what you're doing, etc - another thing to be prepared - breastfeeding can be tough!

    I wish someone had prepared me for this, told me that contractions are the least of your pains, that recovery is very tough, that I'd feel helpless and inept to care for a baby, that my breasts would feel like they're about to fall off until they get better. As I said, pregnancy was a piece of cake compared to what's coming.

    It'll be ok, women go through this all the time and babies are raised properly and healthily, I'm getting better at being a mother but I wish I had been prepared - start reading now on how to care for your baby and you after birth and on breastfeeding.

  12. You crack me up! Thanks for keeping it real. It seems like a lot of people never want to say anything negative about the whole thing, but come on! It's a big deal, and no one (well not me, looking at it from the outside) expects it to be all hearts and flowers all the time. You know? I can respect (and relate to) someone much more if they can be honest about what's going on.

  13. Anonymous5:17 PM

    Oh boy sounds like fun?! I don't know how you can keep a straight face in class. I would just be crackin up!

  14. Yeah, I was the Birthing Class slacker that signed up for the kamikaze weekend--just teach me everything I need to know and then I'll never have to see you again, thanks everybody! You've got the right attitude:)

  15. Wanna hear a good one? When I did childbirth classes, it was with my SECOND child! LOL My first one was premature, and we never got to do childbirth classes. We were the only ones in the class to have already given birth. Talk about feeling like an alien!!!!

  16. Anonymous11:16 AM

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